Why don't I get test questions like this?

2004-12-02T01:03:09Z

The following is supposedly an actual question given on
a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The
answer by one student was so "profound" that the
professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet,
which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure
of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or
endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs
using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats
when it is compressed) or some variant. One student,
however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing
in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls
are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are
leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a
soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no
souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at
the different religions that exist in the world today.
Most of these religions state that if you are not a
member of their religion, you will go to Hell.
Since there is more than one of these religions and
since people do not belong to more than one religion,
we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth
and death rates as they are, we can expect the number
of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in
Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for
the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same,
the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately
as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate
at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and
pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks
loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the
increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and
pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Emily during
my Freshman year that "it will be a cold day in Hell
before I sleep with you," and take into account the
fact that I slept with her last night, then #2 must be true,
and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has
already frozen over. The corollary of this theory
is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is
not accepting any more souls and is therefore,
extinct... leaving only Heaven thereby proving
the existence of a divine being which explains
why, last night, Emily kept shouting "Oh my God."

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A "

Sometimes the pieces just don't fit...

Why don't I get test questions like this?